This blog entry is a vulnerable step for me as what I offer is an unabridged and uncensored journal entry from May 2012 just after the second devastating flood at our Verge Yoga Phoenixville center.
I am recognizing the state of fearlessness. For so many years I have studied it and have always “yearned” for it but have always felt disconnected from the meaning. Others were “fearless”, I simply read about it.
I understand this place more now. It is the state in which we continue to step in groundlessness. It’s where we strip the walls, we rip up the floors and we empty the room of all décor. We sit in that raw space, that empty place of not knowing. It is there that fearlessness awaits you.
And as a “warrior-in-training”, I am learning to sit with fearlessness, which, in so many ways, is infinitely more challenging than sitting with fear. Fear is easy stuff. Fear is habitual. Fearlessness goes against everything the ego stands for. It defies gravity.
I feel it happening. I feel the walls of my ego starting to crumble. I physically feel it happening. I am being rocked like an earthquake. The pictures on the walls are falling off. The ceiling is crashing to the floor. The foundation of what I “know” is beginning to crumble. Everything as I know it is changing form. And during this massive, perfect storm, I sense the peace. I see the glimmer of clear sky on the horizon, the stillness of the water. I hear the faint chirping of the birds.
I have always been drawn to the idea of the warrior and now I finally feel this “idea” manifesting in my life. I am becoming a warrior, a sacred warrior who knows how, as Oriah Mountain Dreamer puts it, “ to stand in the fire and not shrink back.” The warrior who stands on unknown territory and lifts her hands to the sky, looks up, smiles and screams, “YES!”
And so I say YES to today, just today for I know that it is futile to look beyond. I say yes, to what to what may manifest. Yes to what may unfold. Yes to who I am becoming and to whom I am letting go of. You see, “I” am dying. The little “me” that I have held onto has already crumbled and the warrior is emerging to serve the world more fully.
I am ready to step into this day. I am beyond ego, beyond proving, beyond needing any recognition for anything.
Here I am. I trust. I love. I am ready to fly.